what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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