what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
