I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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