There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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