I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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