Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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