did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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