Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
