my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
