are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
