I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I didn't notice because vodka
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
