How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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