found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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