Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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