I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
