Do you still have your period?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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