and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
