i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
