I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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