Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
