just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
