Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
