I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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