Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
