So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
