I need help removing her.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
