My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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