we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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