Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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