You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
