maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
