i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
