Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
