Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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