Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
