those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
