All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
