you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I understand Curling. That high.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
