I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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