Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
