You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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