that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
