I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
