When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
