def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
