so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
