You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
