the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
