trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You ate ashes out of my bong
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
