so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
