You smell like stripper and shame
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
