i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
