Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
